Chris Missed
by FountainPenguin
Summary: When Cody throws a holiday reunion party the December following Total Drama seasons 1 and 2, Duncan searches the geek's house from top to bottom on a quest to dish out the presents and figure out which of his fellow contestants voted for him to win the million dollars last season. And, maybe he'll try to keep Courtney entertained, too. (Written December 2015)


The way I saw it, getting presents was just like stealing from a gift shop, with the added bonus that you didn't know exactly what treasures you would get to end up with, and you actually didn't have to worry for once about being chased down by authorities or scolded by your mom. It was like… like being handed a Get-Out-of-Jail freebie on top of what you'd already managed to get away with. We've all been there, right? C'mon, you can tell me- Let's see a show of hands. Don't look so guilty about it!

Now, this next part's going to be tough to believe, but in my view, _giving_ presents was somehow even better. I'd long since found there was this certain… magic in daydreaming about a person's face as you rifled through magazines or shopping webpages. That particular thrill - you know the one - that flash of inspiration when, after a grueling hour of brain-pain, you finally hit the perfect result. And seeing their faces light up when eager fingers tear open a box and they, too, realize that what you got them was meant just for them, that you chose it special… Hey, if you're not feeling it, don't ask me to explain any better than that. The magic is just there.

My blue backpack was so stuffed that it hardly balanced on my lap. I hugged it to my chest as Courtney turned her mom's silver sedan off the main road. Pebbles and chunks of snow ran beneath the wheels. The car bucked. Jolted. I grabbed the door handle.

"Geez. Some front yard, huh?"

"Private road," she remarked, "private hill, private driveway in the woods. Cody was born lucky, all right."

I couldn't tell if there was bitterness in her voice.

"Beth said his parents are both doctors. Brain stuff, I think."

"When did you talk to Beth?" The car revved up speed after a curve in the upwards road.

Shifting my arm against the frosty window, I pressed my tongue in my right cheek. "Just the night before the finale, right after… Well, the elimination ceremony. We were both pretty stoked on making it to the top two and talking about who all we missed. I missed you most of course, Princess."

Courtney flashed me a sideways glance. But then a cut of yellow light like the kind you get from streetlamps panned over her face, and we both straightened up. The last few trees trickled away behind us, and we were putt-putting circles around Manitoba's widest driveway, probably. Think… cobblestone castle courtyard. It was something like that. There actually _were_ streetlamps around the edges, with a handful of parked cars lined in neat curved rows like crooked key pins along the circle. Courtney drove behind a black one with a license plate that read _121 LIN_ and parked with a skid.

I whistled. "I've wasted enough hours shoveling sidewalks for community service back in juvie. I'm sure glad I wasn't in charge of clearing this place off. Man, nerd's got dough up his sleeve. No wonder Beth's a fan. Y'know, I always wondered who was paying for the Drama Brothers recording studio."

"Well, let's hope it's a lot warmer in there than it is in here." Courtney kicked her door open. Cold wind blew brown curls into her mouth. She spat them out, and two wet ends made sproingy coils beside her tiny tan ear. "Stupid heater. How this piece of junk ever passed inspection is what I want to know."

"Hey, could've taken my beater." I climbed out after her, hoisting my big backpack over my shoulder. Sharp, boxy edges jabbed me through the fabric, but I didn't mind. They'd be gone within the night. I held out my left arm to Courtney, and she gave me one of those pinched _I know what you want and don't pull anything or I'll dump you faster than Heather swaps alliancemates_ kinds of smiles and snuggled her shoulders up in my pit.

As our footsteps clicked on stone, Courtney tilted back her head to peer at my face. "Now, remember, Duncan…"

Yeah, for the last several weeks of phone calls and swing-by visits, I'd noticed that Courtney began half the sentences that sprung from her mouth with that line.

"You're welcome to be in charge of handing out our presents, but you don't flirt with _anyone_. Especially not that loser Gwen."

"Hey." I raised my hand, palm forward. "What's Goth Chick got on my cinnamon spice princess?"

"Absolutely nothing."

"That's right." I bent down so I could swipe a kiss across her cheek, but Courtney squirmed away and jumped up the four wide steps to Cody's door.

Well.

"You aren't going to knock?" she asked when I closed my fist over the doorknob.

I gave it a twist. It popped open without even a squeak, so I shrugged. "Unlocked. I guess we walk straight in. After you, buttercup."

Courtney didn't even get the chance to move towards me when we met out first present-ee. Like a newborn pony testing out its galloping legs, Tyler materialized at the top of the stairs and came scrambling down. He even whinnied like a horse- "Hey, hey, it's Courtney and Duncan! How's it going, guys? Missed you tons!"

He tried to skid to a halt in front of us, but _his_ feet in _socks_ on _waxed floors_ were not a good combination. So he slammed into the window on my right and crumpled to the ground like a paper ball filled with Jell-o and doused in whipped cream.

"Hey yourself, Tyler." I raised my brows. "I hope you're not wearing that getup because you're expecting me to lock lips with you anytime soon."

"Huh?" He ogled me for a few tense heartbeats as I felt around in my backpack, then realized what I was looking at and raised his eyes to the bundles of mistletoe stuffed in his headband. "Oh. No, no, dude, it's chill. Seriously, please don't. Heh, this is for my Lindsay. When she sees me decked out in this, no way she can avoid giving me a kiss."

Courtney poked her head around my shoulder. "And you'll get about three dozen from Izzy and Katie, I'm sure. And – you know what? – probably Owen too."

I laughed. "You sly two-timing dog. Nice."

Tyler slapped himself in the eye. "Aw, man! Didn't even think about the firelash! I hope she doesn't think I'm cheating on her. I'd take it off, but I kind of…" He tugged on his headband as a white bead of glue dripped down his ear.

Still chuckling, I slapped the pale blue gift into his hands. "Way to go, Tyler. Merry Christmas."

Tyler's cheeks turned as red as his coat. "Uh, we don't really celebrate Christmas at my house. You should probably just say Happy Holidays instead. That's way more inclusive of everyone." He ducked behind his present as I exchanged a startled glance with Courtney. "I'm sorry, man! Aw geez, I don't wanna be _that_ guy!"

"Dude, Tyler, we're cool. I… forgot your family believes in the fourth wall thing." I offered my fist so he could bump it when he finished trembling. "Just open your gift, buddy. The cold air's coming in."

"It's from both of us," Courtney added, digging her elbow into my ribs as she shut the door behind her.

Still looking a little miffed, Tyler yanked apart Courtney's careful wrapping. Long strings of blue strips drifted to the ground by his feet. "Oh!" he said then, instantly cheering up. "It's a Superbounce racquetball racquet! For racquetball!" He held it above his head so the plastic covering caught the light in my eyes. "As seen on TV!"

"You know it, bro. We know what you like."

"Sweet! Thanks, guys! You know, I have some pretty wicked gifts for you too." The smile faded from his face. "But I accidentally mixed all mine up with Trent's stuffings while we were driving round-about in his car. We used the same wrapping paper and didn't title anything. He's still in the kitchen trying to figure out which ones are which, I think maybe. I should probably be helping with that."

"Take your time, bud." I swung my arm around Courtney's shoulder and led her past the grand stairs, through the main hall under the open hallway bridge overhang. "We'll be here all night, and tomorrow, and the day after. Christmas break, remember?"

"Winter recess…"

"Tyler? What's cookin'? Who is it?"

Cody's high-pitched voice. He and Bridgette came around the corner up ahead, out from the kitchen on the right, and he smiled the same way he'd smiled at me back at Playa Des Losers the night I'd shown up and Geoff and I had stayed up all night throwing together the biggest party of our summer. Cody had bounced out to the pool bright and early - earlier than even Homeschool - to help Beth string up all the Christmas (My bad- _holiday_ ) lights that Trent had found laying around in the basement. Yeah, we'd had a long guy-talk about girls and bears and wheelchairs too. He's a good kid. Looked like a dope in those red felt reindeer antlers, but still a good kid.

Bridgette's smile was even warmer. We'd exchanged a couple e-mails since Action, especially when every other Friday rolled around and I thought I might take Courtney out somewhere, or set aside the time to just hear her rolling rant, if nothing else… Imagining the way Courtney tilted her head to cradle the phone to her shoulder so she still had one arm free for homework- she always had to be working while she talked, never could just spend an evening to relax if she was still going to be at home. Sitting at her desk, her other hand flipped over, the gentle curve bearing those little crease lines all dark and warm. Those thin shoulders bundled in her pink pajamas. Her fingers smudged with ink, her freckles bright on her flushed cheeks, her brown hair tied up at the top of her head like a blob of cookie dough with a cherry on top…

… But then Bridgette suddenly dropped off when November hit, leaving me hanging at my question of, "Courtney won't pick up and her mom won't either, and there's no way I'm calling her Dad when it's two in the morning in Japan, what should I do?" I'd struggled to get in contact with her. I'd tried so hard - I honestly did - and Courtney had still been pissed that I didn't come through when she'd finally got back to her phone… "Did you try e-mail?" she'd asked. "What's your e-mail?"

Heather hovered a few steps behind Cody's shoulder, tucked into a green and white sweater decorated in Asian symbols I couldn't read, with a mug of hot chocolate between her two spidery hands. She wore a green hat with a long tail tipped in jingle-bells, probably to conceal her patchy scalp. Not speaking to him, not looking at him, not _really_ acknowledging his presence, but sticking to him in a distant sort of way.

I don't think anyone really gets their relationship, because the rest of us have running bets on how long it'll be before she actually speaks to him. I don't think Cody's ever noticed the way she tends to follow him. To be honest, I don't know if Heather's noticed it either. He just never shoos her away because that's the kind of person he is, never shoots her Tyler-aggressive or killer-Gwen glares or Beth-level bristles, so he's the lesser of twenty evils for her and that's good enough for them.

Well, that's what Courtney told me, anyway. She notices that stuff a heck of a lot deeper than I do. Whenever I see them, my first thought is usually, "Haha, poor sucker thinks he's gonna get some".

But the instant Heather saw how close I was coming, she turned sharply on her heels and withdrew to the kitchen.

"Oh, Heather~"

"Drop dead, pervert."

Courtney's nails tightened around my arm. I decided to save Heather's gift for later. So as Courtney unzipped the coat pocket that held her PDA, I squeezed her hand and smiled at Bridgette and Cody instead.

"Hey, guys. Courtney and I brought you each a little something. Nice to see you and Geoff flew in from west side, Bridge. Let's see. This gray package is for you, Cody. Merry Christmas. Or… Happy Holidays, I guess. You get one too, Bridgette."

"Really?" A smile crossed her face. Tucking a blonde twirl of hair behind her ear, she placed her thumbnail beneath the biggest fold of yellow wrapping paper. "Are you cool if I open it now?"

Cody looked at me too. I glanced down at Courtney. She glanced up at me and grinned. Together, without saying a word, we each raised our joined fingers. We just clicked like that.

"On your marks," I said.

"Ready set," Courtney said.

Bridgette and Cody hunched forward, eyes bright. We swung our hands down. "Shred!"

Tape tore. Paper flew. Cardboard squeaked. "Ha!" Bridgette announced, bashing Cody in the shoulder with her brand new wetsuit that I hoped fit as well as Courtney thought it would. "You lose! Lose, lose, lose!"

Laughing, Cody shielded his face with a crooked arm. "Bridge, hey, don't hurt my bad side! You'll reopen my scars. What is this?" he asked, still wrestling with the last scrap of wrapping paper.

"It's a remote control dirt-scooping machine." I mimed driving the toy vehicle with a handheld controller. "Now you can finally dig that swimming pool for all your Barbies."

He rolled his eyes. But, Cody being Cody, he kept smiling on. "Thanks, dude. And by the way, I finished that carving of you. I'll give them all out when I pass around the next round of hot chocolate. Although what I really want for Christmas is about a dozen more hands."

"I got something for you too, Duncan." Bridgette felt around in the pockets of her hoody and, after a moment, drew out a small flat thing wrapped in electric green, like my mohawk. I'd hardly snatched it from her hands before the wrapping was off.

"Duncan, don't be such a pig," Courtney scolded, tapping at her PDA screen as it slowly loaded itself up.

"'Ey Princess, you of all people should know I can't help myself when it comes to pretty things. And if you didn't like it, you prob'ly shouldn't date it." I winked. Then I looked down at Bridgette's gift. "Ah, a big fat bundle Hershey's chocolate bars. Nice."

"I hope you like it. I realize it's no wetsuit- and thanks for that, by the way, because I'm already in love with it, but-"

"No complaints over here. Whoever says no to chocolate?"

Courtney tilted up one perfect toffee brow. "Aren't you going to give any to your girlfriend?"

"Wasn't planning to." I booped her nose. "This stuff's called 'milk' for a reason, and you're lactose intolerant."

"… Yes. That was a test."

Bridgette had to laugh at that. "Of course I have dark chocolate for you too, Court. I left your package in the living room so I wouldn't get it mixed up with anybody else's."

"Right!" Cody treated us to a bow and spun around before he made it upright again. "Link arms, all. On with the tour! This hall is fashioned of the most exquisite mahogany, and every framed art project along the walls was put together by Yours Truly over the last two and a half years. Here to your right, you will see the fabulous kitchen, decked in only the finest marble countertops and pine floorboards. Aaand straight across from it on our left, you'll find the living room, elegantly decorated for the winter season since Halloween ended. We spared no expense."

I paused beneath the living room archway and let out a nice, long wolf whistle. The open hallway bridge overlooked this side of the house too. "Geez, geek, how many people you got coming tonight? You sure you can fit them all in here? I mean, you really might need a bigger house." I wondered where he kept the ladder required to change the lightbulbs. Do they _make_ ladders that tall?

"I invited everyone." Cody's proud smile finally faltered, and he scratched the back of his head. "Um, except Izzy. No one seems to have her contact information- not even Owen or Eva."

Bridgette laughed. "I'm sure she'll turn up. I mean, this _is_ Izzy. That's kind of what she does."

"True, heh heh."

"But geek, I'm really disappointed." I swiped a quick pat across his head. "It looks like you forgot one teeny decoration. Where's the Christmas tree?"

"… I'm Jewish."

Oh.

"Oh."

Cody scratched behind one antler, half shrugging with his other arm. "Well, I mean, my mom's Jewish, and my dad kinda is too, but… This is my first Chr- _holiday season_ really embracing all the religious Chanukah stuff since I was like, nine. So."

"And what brought on the desire to seek religion, I wonder, _deer_?" Bridgette asked, nudging his side with her elbow in a way I thought made it seem like she already knew.

Cody's hand went for his hip, the way Beth had said, I think, it always did when he started having flashbacks about the bear that had given him those scars (not that I really paid that much attention). He swayed a little to the right. Bridgette's playful smile dropped. She grabbed his forearm.

"Cody? Cody, hang on, stay with us. You ought to lie down. I'm sorry, I was just teasing, I didn't mea-"

Courtney straightened up beneath my arm. "Hey, you'd better let me take command here. After all, I was a C-"

Cody shook his head, and I couldn't figure out if that made him feel less dizzy or more. "Don't beat yourself up," he told Bridgette with a smile, and to me said, "Since you asked, I'm still not sure what I believe, only that _someone_ up there seems to be watching out for me. This summer alone, I _have_ survived an insane cliff dive, being mauled by a bear, a drowning scare, two weeks of Chef's mystery surprise dinners, an animatronic monster on a date, and Chris in general. It's not like that came as naturally as dog drool."

I didn't remember asking that, to be honest, so I stayed silent and examined my chocolate bars.

"So it's just… Y'know, thanking Him for giving me back my life. It feels right going back to the way I grew up. But, um, you're right. I really probably should've asked my parents if we could set one up for you guys. I hope you don't feel excluded." He glanced over his shoulder and through the window to the bare woods in the backyard, strung with glowing rainbows from every other branch.

"Cool story session, dude. As long as you still get _presents_ , say, ones you might have a friend holding onto, I guess it doesn't matter what holiday you celebrate at this time of year, huh?"

"Huh? Oh!"

I gazed at his face, itching quietly with the question. Cody's eyes shifted to Courtney for a millisecond, but she was too busy hugging my forearm with one of hers in a protective way and using her other hand to claw at her bars of dark chocolate. So he and I both stared at Bridgette instead. She stared back, way off in her own little world, even as our pupils flicked several times in Courtney's direction. Then, finally, she got the message.

"Oh, hey, Courtney! You've _got_ to see the lights out in the backyard. You know how Cody's got his art gift, right? So I guess he's made these animal topiaries, and they're gorgeous."

"Hey-!"

Bridgette didn't take 'Hey' for an answer. Courtney twisted around to give me a frustrated glance, but I released her shoulders and shot her a smile. When she saw that, she actually let herself relax. Facing Bridgette again, she shrugged and allowed her old friend to drag her off down the hall.

"Well, then let's see these lights. How've things been with you and Geoff lately? It's been so long since I've heard anything- I changed my e-mail, you know, so I'd better give you the new one in case you never got that last message…"

"So." Facing Cody again, I scrubbed my palms together. "You do still have Courtney's present for me, right?"

A devious grin lit into the little geek's eyes. He tucked his scooper dump truck beneath one arm so he could mimic my hand rubbing. "Don't worry about a thing, dude! I haven't let anything happen to her. Up in my room, sweet as an angel this whole time. I told you you could count on me."

The doorbell chimed then with a little _Do DOO do do DO DOO!_ tune, and his gaze trailed over my shoulder at the same instant mine trailed over his.

"Hold on- Is that a homeschooled hick I spy on the couch behind you?" I took the small, spotted green box from my bag and gave it a shake, trying to coax Ezekiel out of the cushion heap as Cody bounded past me to say hello to Gwen. Accepting that his hiding place was fruitless, Ezekiel abandoned it and inched over to join me, rubbing the sweaty back of his neck. He didn't take his eyes from my slugging arm.

"Aw, hey, guy. I'm flattered. Ya really shouldn't've gone through all the trouble for me, eh? I mean, I'm sorry, h-homes, but… um, _The Zeke_ didn't 'xactly get anythin' f-for you. Uh, no one told 'im he was s'posed a' do that, so…"

"Then we'll say we're even for the time at the Casa you helped Courtney shoot that pheasant in her room. This is from her, too." I flinched. "Ooh, but don't tell her I said I knew she freaked about the bird. I like all my parts attached." Seeing him still frozen there I added, "You can open it now."

Ezekiel tilted the package left, then right. "Think I'll save it for later, eh? Give me somethin' a' look forward to all night." A grin broke over his face, and he hugged the tiny box against his scrawny chest. " _The Zeke_ 's ne'er gotten a present from a friend afore. Thank you bunchworthy, Dustin."

" _Duncan_."

He blanched. "D-Duncan, right. Word. Uh, I didn't… J-just it's been so long, eh, and I, uh… Aw, shoot, I just-"

I shoved his blue-green toque over his eyes and gave it a nice ruffle. "Just for today, I won't try to maim you for that. Merry Christmas, nerd."

Ezekiel's gray eyes brightened enough to make me wonder which present he was more grateful for. He thanked me half a dozen times and streaked into the kitchen, calling for Heather, Trent, and Noah to "Sneeze up the dough, eh- I still got all eight fingers after that!"

"Four down," I said. I started across the hall for the kitchen, until the french doors at the hall's end on my left swung outward. A double round of giggles washed in with a chilly breeze from the back deck. Only one set of best friends laughed like that.

"Hi, Duncan," Katie gushed, lifting one side of her earmuffs to shake snowflakes from her hair. Frost gleamed like stars in the night sky. Sadie stretched up to help her brush them away.

"Katie and I watched Courtney and Bridge come out and knew you couldn't be far behind."

"I see someone tied you girls together." Reaching out, I gave the striped pink-and-white scarf that spanned between them a sharp _twang!_ with my middle finger. "Better hope no one drops a spider down one of your backs."

"Spider?"

Sadie stuck out her tongue. "Thanks, but we can handle it. Katie and I share scarves every winter."

"On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, I get to lead."

"And I lead the other days."

"That way we don't get tangled around a light pole."

"Oh my gosh, no. That's so cliché in the cartoons."

Sadie nodded seriously. Removing her own earmuffs, she blinked at me all hopeful. "Court may or may not have mentioned you wanted to dish out presents?"

"Is it chocolate? Sadie and I go camping all the time, and s'mores are nice, so we could really use a backup supply of chocolate since we plow through it so fast. Although my mom was just telling me the other day that we might have to eat some stuff in our pantry, because we have like way too many boxes of graham crackers and they've been in there since literally forever."

"That's because you always forget the graham crackers. Katie always forgets the graham crackers when we go camping," Sadie explained to me.

"It had better be a seahorse, or my heart might just, like, snap."

"Maybe it's Justin."

"Hey, you stay away from my man. You have Harold and Noah, and Justin's totally going to propose to _me_. Stay back. Sit, girl. Sit if you want a treat." Katie yanked on the scarf to almost drag Sadie off balance, and they collapsed into each other's arms, a storm of insane chuckling.

I chuckled myself just to hear them. "Trust me, Courtney and I got you something much, much better than a seahorse or professional male model pretty-boys. See, I bought you girls an eighteen-month subscription to Netflix!"

They looked at me blankly. Snow dribbled down their bangs and dripped on their jackets. Katie asked, "What's Netflix?"

"The latest rising trend for sleepover fans worldwide. A treasure trove of dreams and wonders that you can never reach the end of, no matter how hard you try."

They were still looking at me blankly. Sadie's expression told me that she had come across a great many things with no supposed end, and that she had managed to polish off them all. Soft serve ice cream machines came to mind.

"Uh, it's basically a library, except it's full of movies instead of books, and it's entirely digital. It's like a TV channel where you can watch anything you want at any time, as often as you like. Movies and TV series alike. Even Total Drama Island is on there already, and Action is supposed to be up next spring or over the summer."

Sadie pricked up her ears. "A digital library? So then you can take it with you? Anywhere? Like, camping?"

"Oh my gosh, Sadie, your family cabin in the mountains is going to be so swell this year!"

"We can show Cindy and Winston 'Tomb It May Concern'!"

"But not that part in the middle where the one guy gets murdered in the pyramid."

"Oh yeah, that is so scary." Sadie bit her lip. "I wet my bed for like a week after we first saw it."

"Oh, I know. I can't believe our moms let us watch that when we were only eight, right?"

"Well, maybe _you_ were eight, but I was only seven."

Katie waved away this piece of information, still grinning. "We are going to have so much fun when I get back from Wisconsin. Bet you can't marathon the entire 'Lilo and Stitch' while I'm gone."

"Whoa there, cowgirl." Sadie raised her fists. "You wanna go? Let's not forget I polished off 'Doctor Who', 'Downtown Abbey', 'Whose Line Is It Anyway?', and 'Smurfs' that month I got dumped."

"Um…" It literally pained me to stab a knife in their squealfest, but I held up my hands. "You kind of need to be connected to the Internet for it to work, though."

"Oh." The smile slipped from Katie's face. "So then… how is this better than Sadie's fully-stocked theater room in the basement?"

"Katie bought me a popcorn machine for my last birthday," Sadie announced, clapping her hands. "It is like, soooo fetch!"

I said my good-byes and slunk past the girls out to the deck, shaking my head. It was just as decorated out there as it was on the inside, with bright lights of blue and white twirling around posts and wicker chairs overflowing with cushions with pictures of cardinals and snowy cabins and messages like _Season's Greetings_ and _Build Anyway_ and _Love Thy Neighbor As Thyself_.

On a center table stood a miniature version of one of those Jewish candle things. I didn't know what they were called, but _Beth_ was trying to light the wicks and the wind kept blowing them out. Izzy crawled around beneath it (the table), sticking her fingers through gaps in the boards. Then on the far side of the deck, a table of brownies, cookies, and snacks had been organized. Owen, of course, was already going at those.

Beth seemed to sense me hovering there. When the breeze puffed out the candle in her hand again, she put it back, sighed, and turned around, rubbing her pink cheeks.

"Oh," she said as she jerked out her side ponytail. She flapped her hair once and then started to twist it back up again. "Duncan, how've you been? Enjoying your million, I hope."

"Uh… Yeah. Yeah, it's been pretty great D-side. TTYL, B. Owen!" Trying real hard to pretend I didn't notice the hurt look glowing in her eyes, I ran past her to accept the giant smelly, wet, padded hug that was Owen's back. "I wish I would've bet someone I'd find you here by the snack table. Would've been the easiest fifty bucks I ever made."

For some reason, he winced when he heard my voice. He twisted his neck and started to speak, only to spew a barrage of chocolate crumbs into my face.

"I missed you too, big guy."

When Owen swallowed, the first thing he said was "Hi, Duncan," and to my shock, the next thing was, "You aren't mad?"

"Mad?" I slapped him on the back as hard as I could, and he didn't even flinch because he was just that cool. Or thick. "It's Christmas! I'm a millionaire! I'm not in jail! And I have a totally smoking hot girlfriend now. How can I be mad?"

"About my letters." Owen's eyes brimmed with blue-blurred tears. "I wrote you and wrote you for months but you never responded, and finally Courtney said I was bothering you too much. I didn't mean to bug you. I'd never want to bug you, Duncan! I'm so sorry. I feel like a huge jerk."

I took a step back. "I never got any letters from you, big guy."

"Oh." He stared at me for a moment, then cheered up again. "What about from Izzy? I wrote under Izzy's name a few times to sneak them under your radar. Did you get those?"

"No, but… Wait. I don't even remember giving you my address."

"Courtney did." Owen wiped his eyes on his shirt hem, but they were still wet by the time he finished. "After we got eliminated together last season. Talking about you was the only thing that kept her sane when her big contract thingie blew out the window." He twiddled his fingers. "She really likes you, you know."

I scratched my ear, working my jaw as I turned the words over and over in my head. Finally I managed, "Owen, I would _never_ say you were bothering me. You don't bother me! You're like, the biggest, coolest friend ever."

"So, you mean…" Owen's voice squeaked up into falsetto. "You don't hate me?"

"Hate you?" I took the white present from the side pocket of my backpack. "Man, if I hated you, would I have brought you a dozen rolls of-"

Owen tossed the entire package in his mouth before I finished speaking. I clapped one hand to my forehead. "Dude! You don't even know what's in there! It could be battery acid!"

"It has to be food," he said between crunches, shooting me a puzzled look. "What else would you get for me?"

Fair point. But he still should have cooked the sticky bun dough first. Or… or opened them. I edged away, thinking that maybe I would've been better off having my confrontation with Beth after all, and tripped straight over someone else.

"Whoa! Gettin' cozy under the mistletoe with me a little early tonight, aren't we, Dunksauce? Haha."

Oh sh-

As I scrambled back crab-style, Izzy squirmed between my legs and rolled up to a crouch.

"Okay, I'm ready for this. Come at me, bro, eulalia! Buuuut" - two forefingers raised high - "I am obligated to warn you, I'm off the market for a serious relationship, uh-huh, Big O's orders, yeah, so like, please keep your hands, feet, tongues, and other assorted body parts inside the vehicle at all times. I guess this is technically illegal anyway because, as I made sure we were all aware, Tyler and Justin didn't leave any of those plants lying around for us to take advantage of, did he now? Although I suppose 'illegal' doesn't mean much of anything to either of us at this point in our lives, haha, am I right, or am I, huh?"

Somehow, Izzy's wild manner always left _me_ gasping for breath. As I drew in a big one, she cocked her head at me.

"Aw, Tyler is such a selfish brat, not sharing the love. People who don't share joy ribbons are like the worst. And he threw an awful fit when Izzy frenched him. I don't know why- he was under the mistletoe and I was just following the rules! Y'know, Izzy can't stand for this any longer." Izzy grabbed my chin and squished my cheek to hers. "C'mon, Harrison! You and I are gonna embark on the invasion of the crack shippers, yeah, all right! First to chicken loses! Bawk bawk! Gonna give Tyler a heart attack this way, ha ha. The adrenalin rush oughta make that even better. Ready set, you bet! Let's move, move! Mush, my darling, like, okay? Yeah! Ruff ruff! Grr!"

"I'm super pumped to see you too, Iz." Taking advantage of her close proximity, I swung my arm around her neck, dragged her face from mine, and ground my knuckles hard into scalp. She laughed and butted me back like a buck sharpening his antlers against a tree. I grinned and went at it harder. But when it hit me that – Hello, this was Izzy here – and I was probably turning her on by doing that, I yanked my hands away. " _Ach_!"

Izzy fluttered her red eyelashes at me as she leaned her elbow on the deck banister. "Soooo did you keep your promise, or did you get me a present after all, huh? By the way, I don't remember thanking you for letting me gift shop with you guys last week. The you-getting-plugged-with-a-watermelon fiasco was _so_ honestly my bad though, haha. Sorry about, like, totally spacing and forgetting you couldn't come in the girls' room with us. But it worked out okay in the end! Courtney and I beat the paparazzi to Eva's place, and then we had like this huge sleepover and we totally stalked Noah all the next day!" She clenched her fists and grinned up at me. "Once I decided to stop fearing for my life, it was so cool!"

"No worries." Still, I touched the back of my skull, where I could just feel the remains of my killer goose egg. "And hey, we found you a thing after all. Joke's on you."

"Ooh, where is it? Is it in here?" Instead of going for my backpack like any sane person, Izzy's first move was for my mohawk. I glanced helplessly over at Owen, who shrugged and spat a mass of white wrapping paper and plastic into his palm. Beth stood beside him, looking like a tiny ragdoll beneath his arm.

"Whoa there, wildcat." I took her wrist and peeled her off. "All right, Iz. I'm not near as nuts as you, and I have no idea how you think, so Courtney and I had a real hard time picking out your gift. It's not the greatest thing in the world, but at least it'll come as a surprise. Here. From us to the craziest chick of all time."

Just as I'd predicted, Izzy dove at the present with her teeth. She shook it back and forth in her mouth and then hurled it at the house wall. It slid to the deck and she lunged for it again. I waited, and after a good two minutes of playing around with it, Izzy finally ripped off enough paper to see what was inside.

Owen frowned. "Dude, did you buy my girlfriend a doggy chew toy?"

"Oh, not just any doggy chew toy." I knelt down and tried to wrench the thick rubber ring from Izzy's teeth. She resisted, and we broke into a game of tug-o-war there on the floor. "This is the sort of chew toy that you put chunks of food inside and let the flavoring seep out the holes. Three different sections for triple flavor goodness! It hasn't been touched by any animal and Courtney sterilized it herself. Iz, I know you like to live dangerously, but we like not murdering you."

"Wow." Owen shifted his gaze between the two of us, looking like he was considering snapping our friendship right then and there. "I am equal parts really flattered and kind of offended over this."

I won, and Izzy sat up on her knees and shook her head as though shaking her playful side away. "Haha, well, I think it's touching. No one's ever gotten Izzy such an honest gift before, yeah, all right! Last Christmas, I went away with four different restraining orders, okay? Neato looking, but not all that useful or fun." She took her foot and scratched behind her ear. "Hey, have you seen what I brought to this nutty bash yet? It wasn't walnuts this time! It was really hard work, but Izzy managed to find everything from that song 'The 12 Days of Christmas', uh-huh. Although it took three days to find twelve lords of leaping. Worth it! 'Cuz like, there's no substitute for good, honest hard work, y'know?"

"I call dibs on the five gold rings."

She grinned. "Haha, I don't think so. Two of those are going to Eva and Noah for their wedding someday, uh-huh, or he and Cody if things don't work out, and I already promised the other three to Zeke. Maybe they can like, save his farm or something, and then he'll see Izzy as a caring friend instead of the aggressively terrifying monster that she truly is inside."

"Good luck with that." I tossed the rubber ring back, and Izzy caught it in her teeth. "Guess I should've been nicer to you back on the film lot, huh? Maybe then you would've voted for me instead of Explosivo."

Izzy's brows shot up. She dropped the toy in her lap. "But Izzy didn't vote for Explosivo. She voted for you. You won my breakdance challenge."

Wait. What?

"Then who the heck voted for-?"

"Duncan!"

The cheery voice banged off the falling snowflakes, tumbling head over heels towards me like a mass of charging raccoons. Right as I looked past Owen to answer the call, Geoff came shooting up the deck stairs at absolute top speed and plowed straight into my chest. I slammed to the ground, he slammed on top of me, and then DJ slammed on top of him.

"Ooh, ohh, a puppy pile! Izzy's a dog too, RUFF RUFF RAWR!"

"Ah-ow!" DJ yelped. "Hey Iz, did you just bite my butt?"

"Haha, of course, silly bean! You see anybody else perched on your backside all rawsnargle this way? … Uh, not that this has anything to do with a few of the somethings we were la-laing about, but you are up to date on your rabies vaccinations, right? And salmonella? What about leprosy? 'Cuz that one's like really awful but like super rare which is lucky, so chances are you won't get that, but on the off chance you do-"

My fingers scraped like knives against rough wood- Vision blurred with blue and black stars. The back door opened just then, and the figure froze (which, even I will admit, is not something that happens to _him_ very often). Through my blurry vision, the icicles around the deck looked like they were starting to steam.

"J-Justin! Help me! My friends… are causing my death!"

Justin didn't even need to pull off his (short-sleeved) shirt and flip on the charm. As soon as Izzy laid eyes on him, she hissed like a poked ferret and scuttled away to hide in the back of Owen's jacket.

"Sorry, Duncan," DJ chuckled, easing off my back. Playing Pin-Me with a football player was evidently a bad idea. He rolled Geoff over and offered me his upturned palm. I tried to lift my hand. It wouldn't budge.

I wheezed, "D, I think you popped my shoulder."

"What, for real? Again? Aw, I'm real sorry, man. Here, I'll fix it for you."

"No-"

Too late. DJ grabbed my left shoulder to pin me in place while he took hold of my awkward right arm. He shoved. A click. I clenched my teeth so my scream came out only as a moan.

"There we go. Is that any better?"

"Fits. Perfectly. Thanks." I slid my arm back and forth. "Hey, before you guys go anywhere, I brought presents for everyone." Nudging my backpack forward with my heel, I stepped away. "Yours is dark green, Deej. Yellow with pink spots's Geoff's. Uh… Justin's brown and red, I think. Actually, let me grab those for you guys."

DJ stiffened while he peeled the paper back from his thin box. "Is this-"

"Mexican vanilla, dude. Two big whole bottles. And my mom's secret recipe for Soda Cracker Candy, just because it was the only recipe I could think of that I was sure you didn't know how to make."

"Thanks, Duncan." DJ put his arm (gently) around my shoulders and (gently) squeezed me. "My mom loves this stuff, but we haven't gotten it for years. I really appreciate it."

"Hey, anything," I said, and turned my head as Justin said, "Ah… Nice."

I let go of my sore arm, flushed red where I'd pinched it. "Oh, yeah. New fireproof snow boots. Owen didn't _mean_ to burn your last pair off."

Owen blinked absently at the air. "What?"

"Chiffmrrg priffgit bee," growled Izzy from inside his jacket.

"That wasn't Owen," Justin muttered, shoving the first boot over his foot. He gave his ankle a flick. "But hey, light blue's not a terrible color."

"Although," I realized then, sliding my gaze down Geoff's legs, "it's looking more and more like I should've gotten these for you, dude. Uh. Did you seriously show up in _the dead center_ of Manitoba, in the middle of _winter_ , in _beach sandals_ and _khaki shorts_ and an _unbuttoned shirt_?"

"Yeah, I know! Totally hardcore, right?" Geoff pointed at me with two fingers and rolled them back and forth. "Prob'ly didn't see that one coming, huh, bro?"

"Uh… Nope. You caught me by complete surprise."

"Did I get a present too?" he asked then, bouncing on his heels, hands already clasped below his chin.

"Pink and yellow," I said again. Surrendering to the stiffness of my shoulder and resolving to get maybe Cody's dad or someone to look at it later, I scooped up my backpack. A few seconds of digging rewarded me with the flat box I was looking for, so I handed it to him. Izzy would've been proud to see the way he tore into it.

"Yeah. Bridgette said you needed to work on your patience, so I got you a calendar made of bubble wrap. There are three hundred sixty-five exactly, and every day you get to pop one bubble. _One_."

Geoff stared at the rows upon rows of shining plastic bubbles. His hands started to shake. He bit his lip. A low whimper trickled out from his throat.

I rolled my eyes. "Knock yourself out, cowboy."

A thin voice cleared itself behind me. I turned carefully to find Beth still standing there in her too-big blue sweater, her forearms behind her back. She used her chin to brush a loose strand of hair over her shoulder and then smiled.

"Hey, Duncan. So I haven't seen you since November. How's it going with Brittany?"

"Yes," I said, holding out two hands with my fingers pointed like Ls. "And that reminds me, she's here and I'd better check on her. See you later, Beth."

"Uh…"

I opened the door behind my back, smiled tightly, and ducked inside again. Then I shut it sharp. Breathed. Man, if I couldn't get her alone, I was going to have to keep this up all night. And I couldn't just _ask_ for her to follow me to some secret corner of the house. Not with the guys right _there_. They'd never let me hear the end of it for the rest of my life.

Noises from the living room. I took the few steps down the hall and turned right to find Gwen holding a wooden chair steady for Leshawna so she could pin up a silver trail of tinsel that had fallen from above the windows.

"Hey, have you girls seen Cody?" I held my hand near my chest to show his approximate height.

"Huh? Oh, Duncan! It's you!"

"Whoa!" Leshawna yelped. "Get back here, girl!"

"Don't get all uppity at Gwen, she'll just be a sec. I'm the one who walked all the way over here." When Gwen clapped her hands to mine, I gripped them tight for a few seconds. "Has it only been three and a half months, mongoose? Feels like forever."

She let her hands drop with a laugh. "Missed you too, Viper Punk. Gotten yourself locked up in any more prisons lately?"

"Nope! I'm clean as a salt lick."

"Ha." Leshawna gave up on fixing the tinsel and dropped down beside us. "Like I believe that for a second longer'n I'd believe Lindsay graduated top of her class."

I wasn't sure how fair that was. If what she'd said during that bank heist challenge was to be believed, she _had_ skipped a grade.

"I got you a thing," I told Gwen, trying to keep a poker face as I reached into my bag and realizing that yeah, she probably saw how excited I was to finally give her this. "What do you say to the 'Mash 'Em Cash 'Em Mayhem Smash-Pack' series DVD boxed set, _in_ cluding the outtake footage and bonus post-finale episode a week before it's supposed to air? Oh yeah, and it's signed by the director and head producer."

"For real? No way!" Gwen snatched the gift away. "Thanks, Duncan. Seriously."

"Hey, no prob, paste-face." I held up two very modest hands (Really). "But if you decide you wanna give me a call when you break that bad boy out, then popcorn's on me."

She smiled- that perfect, crystal smile that told me all the hours, all the money, all the searching and the phone calls had all been worth it. "I may just have to take you up on that."

"You still got my number?"

She tapped her temple and made a clicking sound with her teeth like a cocking gun. "Locked and loaded."

Leshawna cleared her throat then. "All right, birdies, settle down a mo'. And I assume you brought a li'l somethin' for Shakin' Shawnie?"

This time I suppressed my snort, but only just. Leshawna's gift was the only one that we'd bagged, and I let it dangle from my fingers as she plunged her hand through the tissue paper.

"It's index cards?" she guessed, not opening her eyes.

"You know that little theater by your house? Well, I got you front tickets to 'Arsenic and Old Lace'. Two of 'em, so you can bring a friend." I rolled my eyes. "Even if it's Doris."

She pulled out her fist, the tickets snagged between her fingers. For a moment she just stared at them, and then a grin split her face in two. "Aw, I ain't been to Glade Central since I was chest-high to chestnuts. Melt my heart. I knew you were a good guy. Never heard a' this show either, so this oughta be a basket a' fun."

"I'm no good guy," I said, "but it's supposed to be pretty tense for something that doesn't involve blood or aliens. It's Courtney's favorite- she's seen it like four times. Says it's about this guy who thinks he's Teddy Roosevelt, and there are these old ladies who kill people and this other guy who's like this escaped convict and moves in with them. And he _flips_ when he finds out they've killed more dudes than he has and has an identity crisis for the whole rest of act two."

Gwen grinned. "That sounds awesome, Duncan."

I grinned back and pointed at the tickets. "I might just have to buy another and invite myself along. Bet I could squeeze in on Harold's other side."

"You torment that sweet potato again and I'll have to box you upside the nose piercing." She squinted at the printed words. "February 8th?"

I stiffened at the startled tone in her voice. "That date's not going to work for you, is it?"

She waved me off. "Don't you worry about me, hon. When it comes to improv, Leshawna is the local queen six years runnin'. I've got a baker's dozen a' li'l sibs back home, so flippin' plans at a moment's notice ain't anythin' new to me."

I shifted my gaze to Gwen, who stood there still holding the package and looking puzzled, and then clapped a hand to my forehead.

Freakin'- I'd _known_ it when Courtney and I were scanning the rows for empty seats. I'd asked myself why that date sounded so familiar, but shrugged the feeling off when Courtney had gone to purchase the tickets.

"That's your _birthday_!"

"And it's gonna be an especially good one now, thanks to you." Leshawna folded the tickets, gave them a kiss, and tucked them away in her back pocket. "I brought our favorite li'l delinquent somethin' special too, but don't tell Courtney I was playin' favorites, 'cuz I couldn't decide between mousetraps or boxing gloves for her and finally decided not to waste a penny on her behalf."

She saw my grimace and put one hand in the air. "Listen biscuit, I'm not pickin' fun at your big goopy heart for lovin' her. But not all of us are drownin' in cash these days, and that girl and I ain't never been friends since she left the Casa."

I'd been tackled by Leshawna four times in the past six months. Don't get me wrong- I hated the way she was bad-mouthing Courtney, but I also hated the idea of taking a kneecap to my lower region today. I mean, come on- This was a Christmas party. I wasn't going to go whimpering around on my hands and knees as I finished passing out gifts or went chasing chicks under the mistletoe.

Or… chasing Courtney, I guess.

Leshawna waved her hand in front of my nose. "You still with me, jailbird? I was just tellin' you about your present."

"Present?" I'd been about to snatch Leshawna's wrist, but I let my hand fall to my side when she said the word.

This time, it was her turn to grin at me. "Your girlfriend's even worse at keepin' secrets'n Tyler is, and that's sayin' somethin'. Check the fridge an' don't spread the word that it was me." And then, to my absolute _shock_ , she reached up on her tiptoes and planted a kiss on my cheek. "Happy Holidays, danger boy."

"Aw," I said, rubbing the smudgy spot off with my knuckles. I gestured at Leshawna's neck with my backpack. "Hey, don't let Courtney catch you doing that, or she'll dump me fast. Off a cliff. Into a frozen river. While I'm asleep."

Leshawna raised her eyebrows. "She is treating our boy right, ain't she?"

"Don't worry about me. Worry about Geoff. Hey, can I borrow your phone?"

"What for?"

"I want to find some snowclothes on E-Bay. Oh, and boots too."

"Then you'll want to use Homegirl's for that," she decided, hooking her thumb towards Gwen (Gwen jolted and looked up almost guiltily from her DVD set).

"What are we talking about?"

"I was hoping to borrow your phone."

"… Why?"

"Geoff needs some-"

"No, I mean, why are you using my phone and not Courtney's PDA?" Gwen pulled it from her pocket and handed it to me, no hesitation at all. How strange, I thought, staring into her dark eyes, that I could feel close to two completely different girls.

I snorted. "Are you kidding me? She'd tear off my manhood if I so much as touched it with my thumbnail."

Leshawna pressed her fingertips into my arm. "It's a sweet thought, but Geoff will _probably_ be fine. This ain't his first winter, baby."

" _Don't_ call me 'Baby'. But… I guess you make a point." I ran my forefinger across the sleek screen of Gwen's phone, then passed it back to her. She dropped her hand in mine and swiped her phone away. Then, like she'd done it a million times before, she flipped it into the air and extended the pocket of her thick coat. It thumped back in and disappeared.

"Practice," she said.

"I wasn't gonna say it."

I excused myself by telling the girls I needed to check the fridge for my "surprise" bowl of cherries, and saluted them both as I turned away. "Catch ya if you run."

No sign of Heather (or Ezekiel, for that matter), but when I walked into the kitchen I found Trent still standing slumped on one end of the counter and Noah sitting at the other with a book in his lap and a black Santa hat on his head. He'd traded his usual red sweater out for a white one scrawled with the words _Bah humbug_ like blood.

"Hey, bookling." I gave the guy a friendly kick in the shins. "I brought you something. Where's Princess Temper-Tantrum? Haven't seen her tonight and thought I'd check to see if she had you in a headlock."

"I really have no idea." Noah held up one foot to show me a new green and black shoe. "She stuffed these into my arms, punched me in the throat, and bolted before I could get a good look at her. Why she decided to give me _tennis shoes_ and how she even knew my size, I am still trying to puzzle out."

"Bet you would've preferred a visit to the nearest mistletoe sprig with her, huh?" I grinned. "Or a nice fat bag of candy corn."

He shrugged listlessly, not taking his fist from his chin. "It's out of season."

"Think again." I flipped the red and white package out of my backpack, and Noah was so startled that he actually jerked forward to catch it. He stared at the striped paper, then at me.

"This is a joke. There is no way _you_ went through the effort of storing this since Halloween just for _me_."

"Store it? Nah, I'm a procrastinator. I just picked that up a week ago."

"Where, exactly?" Noah tore off a strip of wrapping, not even stopping to nurse the papercut it left across his finger. "Beth said the others were tearing every Wal-Mart apart to find me a pack of this stuff. Even Izzy couldn't come up with anything closer than waxy sugar pumpkins which, though tasty, do not impress me."

I thumped my chest. "I have connections with the black market. That thing's party size. Should take even you a weekend to stuff it down. Who's your best friend now?"

He stuffed a handful of candy corn into his mouth, and for the first time ever, his sarcastic smile was meant for me. "Not you. But I appreciate the gift regardless."

I glanced around the kitchen. "I suppose it's too much to hope you've got something in return?"

"Who do I look like to you; Santa Claus?"

A moan dragged my attention to the opposite end of the counter. Trent. He stared at the heap of gifts in front of him, each and every one decorated in the same pattern of blue snowflakes and red reindeer. Then he flipped half of them onto the floor and buried his face in his forearms. "I swear, if no one grabs me by the collar, I am going to force Tyler into Katie and Sadie's sleeping bags and stuff them up the fireplace before the hour's out."

I flicked Noah in his big forehead and went to join him. "Aw, don't blame poor Tyler for this. The guy lives in a bubble and can't see past his nose. I doubt it even crossed his mind that the two of you were using the same paper."

Trent didn't even raise his head. "Trust me, it didn't, and he wrapped all our stuff as I drove him over here… Dude, whatever you gave Zeke must've been sweet. I haven't seen him this happy since Bridgette kissed the scrape she put on his forehead. Looks like even my Jacob's ladder will be playing second fiddle tonight."

I spread my hands. "Tough to compete with a homemade coupon saying I'll buy him whichever pretty new pony catches his eye." Then I glanced out the kitchen. "Erm, don't… tell him I said that. Looks like he still hasn't opened it yet. Gotta say, kid has serious willpower. If that'd been me, the paper on that would've been off the instant I'd heard 'This is for Duncan'.

Noah snorted. "'Serious' is an understatement. Once Homeschool gets an idea in his head, you can't pry it out with a crowbar. And trust me, Eva's tried."

When I turned back around, Trent was sitting up again and each eye was the size of my fist. "You know the guy is terrified of horses, right?"

"For real? Are you kidding me right now?"

"For real."

I threw back my head and pressed the heels of my hands into my eye sockets. "Uggghhh. Just once, can I get it right? Is that too much to ask?"

Noah crunched pointedly on another bite of candy corn. "Izzy dragged me and Eva up to his farm a few weeks ago. He's actually fine stroking horses and riding them and whatever- it's just the idea of being trampled that he can't stand. To be honest, the act of you giving him a present probably means more to him than the present himself."

"I guess that's something."

"I think that this is yours." Trent picked a squishy gift from off the floor and scratched his head. Then, shrugging, he passed it to me. "Pretty sure. It's not much, but I hope you like it anyway."

A sweatshirt. A red sweatshirt. Color of blood, a huge yellow skull on the chest, black sleeves patterned after flesh-stripped bones. Not the world's most creative gift, but a welcome gift nonetheless.

"Aw, sweet! This'll be great with the cold." We exchanged a fistbump. "Thanks, dude."

"Easily done, dude. I'm just glad I guessed right. I'd've been so embarrassed if you opened the pink one I got for Beth." He glanced at my backpack, then at me. Even Lindsay couldn't have missed the clue. I chuckled. Now, what color had I wrapped…

…

I couldn't believe myself.

I stood there, one hand clinging to my new hoody and the other buried in my bag. Trent had ducked beneath the counter to finish scooping up the gifts he'd dropped. Noah still sat at the other end. When he met my eyes, he understood immediately. His whole face lit up. He mouthed, 'This is gonna be a laugh'.

 _We'd forgotten Trent._

Don't ask me how or why- Trent was Gwen's ex-boyfriend, a team leader last season, a member of a boy band, and just a stupid contestant to forget about in general. I wasted several precious seconds wondering how list-scribbling, perfectionist Courtney had made such an incredible blunder, and then Trent had all the gifts on the table again.

"Here, dude." I took the bundle of six chocolate bars from my backpack and slid them down the counter to him. "Sorry they're not wrapped all nice. But honestly, you've probably seen enough colorful paper to last you a long while."

"Huh," was all he said. In his thoughts, I imagined, the word was followed by, "Funny, these look just like the chocolate bars I got from Bridgette".

They can't all be winners.

"You nerds didn't see which way Cody ran, did you?" I asked as I headed for the fridge.

"Beats me. He's probably… I mean, maybe he went to talk to Gwen."

Noah covered his mouth with one hand while he chewed. "Try the bathroom, down the small hall that leads past the stairs."

"Cool." Sure enough, resting on the top shelf of the fridge was a huge blue ceramic bowl of cherries, blanketed in saran wrap and stuck with a bright green ribbon on top. Leshawna had left a handwritten card with my name on the front in cursive. I stuffed that in my pocket so I could read it later in private.

As far as I'm concerned, cherries are great because they look and taste just like candy, but - full points to the universe on this one - they're totally healthy. Plus, it's always hilarious to watch someone steal a huge handful, and remember too late about the pits. And you can do the cherry stem test with your tongue.

"Trent?" Tyler called. "Hey, Trent?"

As I pulled down the bowl, I glanced towards the opening to the kitchen to find two people standing there. Oh, this was going to be too good.

Now, the thing you have to realize here is that Trent, Cody, and Justin had put together this little boy band called "The Drama Brothers" during their stay at… wherever they stayed while I was off winning Season 2. I think it was Cody's idea, to remind Trent he still had friends even after Gwen broke up with him. Pals before gals, that type of thing. Anyway, after his elimination, Harold annoyed them to death to get them to let him join (Okay, I guess the real reason was because he had that recording studio in his basement). I know this stuff because Gwen had e-mailed me vids.

Which might all be worth pointing out, because when Harold and Tyler came around the corner, Harold wasn't decked out in snow gear or even his favorite blue shirt. No, he was wearing a full-on bodysuit of bright gold, dripping with white necklaces. Thick glasses with the lenses tinted orange. A beanie of red and black over his scruffy auburn hair. He took one look at me and the light in his face died.

"Crap."

He bolted. The wolf in me couldn't resist if I'd been paid another million bucks. I dropped my backpack and cherry bowl on the counter and flew out the door, past Tyler, and after him.

Credit where credit's due, the dweeb can run like the wind's behind him when he needs to. He shoved past Lindsay and Justin, spilling their mistletoe crowns to the ground, and slipped on the wood floor so fast that he skidded a meter and soaked his rear in a snowy puddle near the front door.

But he flipped over up again and booked it up the stairs, I swear taking them four at a time. That brought him to a crossroads, the open bridge hallway that overlooked the living room on his left, and the closed hallway that probably led to the master bedroom and junk on his right.

Oh, he _wouldn't_.

Harold checked to see if I was still on his tail, sucking gasps through bright red cheeks. I realized what he was about to do and, to be completely honest, I almost yelled surrender (maybe in admiration?) But Harold scrambled onto the banister and jumped straight _over_ the bridge overhang into the living room. Not to be outdone, I checked to see what was below and launched myself after him. Harold plunged into the couch in a _flump_ of cushions. "Harold!" Ezekiel screamed, grabbing his wrists. Too late to drag him off before I came in to stick the landing.

 _Crunch!_

"Ao- _ow_ …"

"Happy holidays, Doris." I twisted one of his arms behind his back and shoved my knees into his sides. "Your present, from me to you, is that if our paths cross after tomorrow, I won't torment you ever again."

"Why the heck did you have to maul me first?"

"' _Cuz_ with two seasons behind us, we prob'ly won't get to hang out ever again unless Katie and Sadie throw together that three-year reunion party they've been babbling about."

"Euh…" Ezekiel massaged his sore wrists. He still had his present ticked under one arm. "I doon't think that really counts as a maulin', eh? 'Cuz, uh, if anyone's gotten mauled, think it would be Coody."

"Did Zeke call my name?" Cody came in through the other door flapping water droplets from his fingers, Tyler behind with his unwrapped racquetball racquet. In sync, they sized up me on Harold on the couch. A frown tugged down the corners of Tyler's lips.

"Uh… I heard a thump-?"

"Have either of you seen Courtney?" I asked, swinging myself down to the floor. Dang, my arm _ached_ all up the bone.

"Ow," Harold moaned again into his armpit like a big baby.

"Is it time?" Cody asked, raising his eyes suspiciously to the hallway bridge.

"Time for what, homes?"

"Just a thing for Duncan and Court."

I dropped my arm and squinted. "Hey, who planted a pucker on your cheek, Homeschool?"

Ezekiel flushed the same light pink as the lipstick mark by his mouth. His eyes slid over every face in the room, and then he tugged on the fluffy top of his toque. "I think I shoul'n't say."

"Movin' up in the world, huh? Atta boy." I chuckled as he flipped up the hood of his snot-colored sweatshirt and turned his back on Tyler. To Cody I said, "Do me a favor and see if you can't round up Courtney, would you? I want to give her her present before Izzy burns your house down."

"Oh!" Tyler snapped the fingers on both hands, one after the other after the other. He walked towards the window (tripping over a heap of silver tinsel) and pressed (read: slammed) his face to the glass. "Yeah, thought so, guy! She's hangin' ten outside with Bridgette and Cody's folks."

"Ooh," Cody said.

"I'll get her!" Ezekiel yelped and, butting between me and Cody, shot out of the living room.

"Huh." Tyler tapped his chin. "Wonder what made him thunderbolt that way."

"It's a mystery. Oh- Hey Ty; unrelated, but where'd Lindsay get to?"

"She was in the hall with Beth and Justin a minute ago."

"I'd better get after Zeke," Cody said, zipping his jacket to his neck. "They're the only adults here unless you count Beth's dad and my Aunt Emma, but I'm not confident Zeke remembers what my parents look like."

And Geoff was probably still out there to mess with him.

I noticed Harold was finally trying to sit up, so I went back and flopped down on his legs. "Justin charmed away your girl, huh? Who does that? Dude's a louse."

Tyler looked… honestly confused. "No. She's immune to his thing."

"Seriously? … I guess there's not much there for him to influence." I'd never really thought about it. Maybe Lindsay never had liked Justin for his "magic trick". Maybe she'd only ever liked his _actual_ good looks.

Tyler's expression shifted into hurt. "That's not the reason. There's real wicked science, I promise. Ask Harold."

"' _Ask Harold_ '?"

He groaned underneath me. I think he said, "Leave me out of this." I rubbed my knuckles into the back of his neck.

"It's because she's already in love with me."

"Well, tell her I've got som- Oh, hey Lindsay! I've got something for you in the kitchen."

She flicked the dangly end of her Santa hat out of her eyes and looked curiously at Harold. "Huh. Is this one of Cameron's siblings?"

"Haaa-rold," he rasped.

"Harold, Harold…" Lindsay tapped a nail against her ear. "Why does that name sound so familiar? I swear I've heard it somewhere before. The color green?"

Tyler swung his arm over her shoulders. "Haha, funny teaser-tasering, Linds. But you remember our bud Harold McGrady, right?"

She bit her lip and squirmed.

"I've got something for you," I repeated, hopping off Harold's crumpled legs. He flopped to the ground. "Why don't you sit tight and take a look at Doris here, Tyler, and I'll get your girl back to you in two shakes."

"Sit… tight? Doris?"

"Shakes?" Lindsay repeated, lifting on her toes as she followed me out. "I want two milkshakes! Well, at least I would if I weren't starting on my diet tomorrow."

I paused partway between the living room and kitchen so the hallway wall kept us out of sight. No sign of Beth - or Justin - and I wondered in a conspiratorial way where they had gone.

To Lindsay I said, "Diet? Did Tyler tell you to lose weight? You look beautiful to me."

"Who? Oh, no. It's just something I want to do for myself."

"Cool. That's exciting for you." I nodded to her mistletoe crown. "Now, you giving out free samples, or…?"

"Oh! Sorry, Darrel. Did you want one?"

"If you're offering, then hey- who am I to disappoint?"

Her smile crept outward. "It _is_ Christmas. Close your eyes."

I leaned back, propping my elbow against the wall. Lindsay's fingers slid around my jacket collar. Her face drew nearer. Nearer. A tug of fabric with pale hands. No sound of approaching footsteps, and even if there were, she'd be so easy to pin the blame on…

"Okay, you can open them."

A little puzzled, still waiting, I did. Lindsay stood there beaming like a dim lightbulb, her hands in a tight ball by her waist, looking all pretty in her light blue parka. Her eyes were set on my neck. I looked down to discover a sprig of mistletoe stuck through my shirt.

Well.

We headed for the kitchen. Trent hadn't progressed much farther with the presents, and he had four rows of nine all along the table. Eva was in there too, pretending to strangle Noah with her green and white spotted scarf while he flailed at her with his bag of candy corn. Dude's a pretty good actor- his dark face was turning blue.

When Eva saw me, she drew her brow down in a defensive way like, _Harold's your nerd, but this one's mine._ Then she plucked a handful of cherries from my bowl and popped one in her mouth. To Noah she said, "Pay up, Fruitcake; I told you he'd be wearing the Santa hat," and he flashed back with a, "No, th-that's what I bet- bet _my_ money on!"

"Uh…" I pointed with two fingers at her elbow. "Backpack."

Eva slid her arm away from Noah's neck and hooked her thumb under one of the straps. She slugged it at me, and I caught it with both hands.

That was when I realized the zipper was slightly open at the corner. Had she looked inside? Certainly Izzy had, right? Or Heather, the nosy witch. Had I just forgotten to pull it all the way shut when I'd chased after Harold? If word made it back to Courtney about what was really inside the bottom of the bag, she'd drive her fingernails through my nose.

Phew. Every wrapped package, every stack of fluttery green paper, still there. As far as I could tell.

Her gift was small and square, bundled in silver and gold stripes and zipped in the front pocket of my backpack. I pressed it into her outstretched hands and folded her fingers over it. "Merry Christmas, Linds, from me and Courtney."

"Oh, don't let Tucker hear you say that," she muttered. Her thumbnail pried up a weird fold at the corner. "It's only 'Happy Holidays' with him."

"Uh… Do you need help with that?"

Noah made a muffled laughing snort behind me. Or maybe a choking sound.

But finally, Lindsay managed to weasel the wrapping from her present. She took the lid off the box.

"Earrings!"

"Close. It's just a necklace. I did all the chemistry stuff to it in my garage." I wondered how long it would take her to realize the bronze keys were copies of her own. I'd gotten them from Tyler.

"Oh, I get it." She tried to put it around her neck, but the chain wasn't long enough to squeeze her head through.

"There's a, uh, clasp on it. On the back."

A wrinkle cut across her nose. "I always have problems with these."

That didn't surprise me.

"No prob. We mortals all struggle with mundane tasks. I'll help you. I've gotten a lot of practice over the years doing these things for… my friends."

Specifically, for every girl I'd ever dated before Courtney. Courtney wasn't so much the 'let the sensible guy put the necklace on me' type of gal. I'd struck up many an awkward living room chat with Darlene or their parents while Court finished prepping herself for the night's events on her own.

Lindsay turned her back to me and fluffed up her long blonde hair. She hadn't worn the blue bandana today, I noticed for the first time. Her hair was braided in a faint tiara with ends that settled near her ears. She needed to dye it all again pretty soon- streaks of brown were starting to show around the twists.

"Derby, did you finish yet?"

Shaking my head, I reached around Lindsay's throat with the necklace and pulled it in close.

"Too tight!"

I held it a second longer just to watch her struggle, then apologized and loosened my grip.

"Is it a golf club?" she asked, examining the little charm between the keys and beads.

"Lindsay, you're holding it upside-down."

"Why did you put the necklace on me upside down?"

I rolled my eyes. "The charm is meant to be a street sign with 'Lindsay' printed on it. Y'know, because your last name is Lane."

Lindsay smiled. "I don't really get it, but that's sweet, David. Thanks. This is just the thing for me to wear in Hawaii."

Taking a swig of eggnog from a plastic cup, Eva said to me, "But _Mohawk_ , she's not a street. She's a girl."

"Hey, I was just about to say that. So weird!"

"Really?" Now Eva rolled her eyes. "Shocker."

Trent mumbled something into a soft present.

As Lindsay fluttered off to search for Tyler (or maybe Justin), Eva tied her scarf around her neck and flipped the end over her shoulder. "So. Loony-Bird hinted you were tossing out presents tonight."

"You're welcome for my giving Noah the candy corn," I said as I leaned against the counter. "I have a soft spot for nerds. But I'm leaving you in charge of making sure he doesn't get a DUI" - ("Sugar highs don't count as me being drunk, you hippie!") - "Anyway, yeah, here's your 'Sorry you didn't even get a shot at the million' gift."

Her lower lip quivered with old anger. She swallowed. Three times. "Right. No hard feelings. These things happen. Thanks for the thing. I… got one for you too."

"No way. Seriously? I don't care what Zeke thinks about you- you're awesome."

She picked a large circle that bulged on one side from among Trent's other presents. It was green like my mohawk. "Merry Christmas."

"How do you say that in Polish?"

Dead monotone, "How am I supposed to know that?"

"Haha." I peeled off the wrapping. "Check it out, Fruitcake. Your girl's taking after you."

Noah tossed two more pieces of candy corn into his mouth. "Hear that, Iron Woman? You're my girl now. I own you."

She cocked her fist. "Pucker up."

I shed the last of the paper as Noah ducked beneath the counter with his candy. Paused. "Oh. It's… it's your Sasquatch hat."

"The happy hat," Noah corrected.

"It's a different one, actually." Eva gave an approving nod as I placed the furry brown thing over my Santa hat. "I think my weaving skills have improved. Made it when it was my day to… You remember the dumb sideshow thing? At the you-know-where? With the. Um." She rubbed her nose. "There's a good reason Tyler calls popping CPs, 'Taking the road to Showtown', with it being right up against the wall and everything."

"It's very nice." I decided to wait a few minutes before I tried to take the hat off. "As for you…"

The package I had for her was oddly shaped, mostly flat, and Eva frowned in a disappointed way when she first saw it. But she leaned back and went at it anyway.

"… What?"

"Three ten-dollar PetCo gift cards. For your ferret. Amelia, right? And a pack of poppyseed muffins, just because we love you that much, me and Courtney."

She pulled back, brow suspicious. "How do you know about Amelia?"

"DJ of all people, actually."

Eva stared at me, obviously racking her brain stem for a match.

"I believe you still call him Bunny Boy."

"Ah." She made another short nod. "Right. Thanks for the gift cards, Mohawk. Seriously. Everyone else just keeps giving me sports equipment that I already have." A sudden frown crossed her features. "Except Bridgette. Got mittens and a scarf from her, for some reason."

"I feel like it's good for people's mental health to mix things up every once in awhile." I decided I wouldn't tell her that I'd snuck a coupon for anger management classes in with my other presents.

"You know what?" Trent said then, his voice rising as he went along. "You know what? Forget this! This is what I get for trying to do things the right way! This is what I get for helping my friends! This is what I get for trying to be nice! Screw everything!" With a maniacal laugh, Trent grabbed an armload of presents and started ripping them apart. Eva, having lost interest in both me and Noah, slapped him on the back and joined in.

I decided I should go. This time I took my pack and my cherries.

When I checked the back porch, Cody and Ezekiel were still trying to shepherd Courtney back inside. Well, Mrs. Anderson had intervened on the far side of the lawn, listening patiently as Courtney went off in rant mode. Bridgette and Cody kept trying to speak, only for her to cut them off and leave them hovering there each with a frustrated hand pressed sideways over their chin. Ezekiel sat on a snow-covered boulder a few meters away, rubbing his throat and watching with a heavy-lidded gaze. Every few sentences, I could see him mouth certain phrases along with her. I didn't think I'd ever have to worry about him wanting to date my girlfriend.

While she was distracted, maybe now was the time I mustered up my courage to talk to Beth.

I checked the living room again. Tyler and Lindsay were in there enjoying each other's company by the fireplace. Katie and Sadie had miraculously pinned down _Izzy_ to pour hot chocolate down her throat. In the far hall, Leshawna comforted Harold in the bathroom while Gwen leaned against the doorframe, doodling in her sketchbook.

But I did find Beth in the end. She'd cornered Justin by the front door. He had one hand tight on his chest, and she tugged on the sleeve. Heather was halfway up the grand staircase, leaning over the banister. Inches from blowing up, by the looks of it.

All three of them spotted me in the same instant. Heather's gaze bit. Mid-step, I angled towards the stairs. Taking them two at a time, I joined her near the landing. She moved a little higher before she realized that yes, I would pursue. Then she slid down to sit.

"Oh, it's you, pit bull. Looks like Courtney dropped your leash."

I made sure Beth had gone back to flirting with Justin before I answered her. "Merry Christmas, beady. Or do they celebrate something different in Japan?"

"I'm Polynesian-Canadian, brickhead."

"Eh. They're basically the same, right? Asia's a big country. So. You were probably too deep in your Scrooge phase to notice, but I've spent my whole time here tonight catching up with everyone and handing out all my gifts. Down to the final two. Well, three."

Her mouth said, "You brought a present for everyone?" but her bright gray eyes replaced that last word with 'me'.

"Your lithium-laden poison cannot hold Izzy captive!" Izzy screamed, and shot past the stairs and around the corner.

"Well, benefits to being a millionaire: You can afford consolation prizes for every little loser." I dug around in my backpack, found the pink and red present, and tossed it into Heather's lap. "On the house, Rapunzel."

She held it for a moment, staring at the shiny foil. I saw her bite her lip. Then, apparently sensing the "Someone's sentimental" comment on my tongue, she sliced the paper apart with her fingernails to reveal…

Disappointment flooded her face. "Earrings."

"Yellow-jackets." I put my hands to my temples and wiggled my fingers. "For our _favorite_ queen bee. Those are real topaz, by the way. Believe me, I spent way too long agonizing over what I should get for a bald witch who hates everything and the kitchen sink."

Heather gave me a dull look. "I don't have my ears pierced, doofus."

Aw crap.

"Yeah, well… Use 'em as hairpins?"

She rolled her eyes. "Don't think you're so high and mighty hauling out gifts for everyone, because you're not the only one that went to the trouble. I brought a scrap for you too. But it's still in my car, so you'll have to hang on." She replaced my gift in its shredded wrapping and tucked it into the pocket of her skinny jeans. "I suppose I should thank you for the earrings. At least someone here decided to be mature and let the water flow under the bridge now that the stupid game is finally over for good."

"Wait." I dropped the backpack. It tumbled down two stairs until I hooked a strap with my foot. "Don't tell me you brought all of us a present, and _nobody_ got anything for you."

She shrugged. "Grapes from Owen- Green ones, and I made sure Homeschool knew it. A book of poetry from Harold. And earrings from you. So not everyone is a total jerkwad."

I sat down on the stair beside her. "Geez, that sucks. I mean, it doesn't surprise me, but it still sucks a ton. Guess you reap what you sow, eh?"

"Shut up," she said, flicking her nails like cat claws. I glanced around the entry hall. Beth and Justin still gabbed below us like comedy and tragedy masks on center stage. But, like a magnet, Beth glanced up my way when she sensed me watching. Quickly, I elbowed Heather in the side.

"So who'd you vote to win the mil last season?"

Her frown deepened to one of… panic? "Excuse me?" she sputtered, "My answer is confidential."

"Hey Rapunzel, I asked you a question."

"And the answer is none of your business, delinquent."

"Yeah," I said, "because if it was, I'd already know your pick. I'm just curious to know where I stood before I started dishing out the party favors. So, did you choose me, or little geeko over there?"

"What?" Heather curled her lip. "After all that loser did to me? As if."

Sorry, Beth. Guess you can't win them all.

"Yes!" I cried, pumping my fist. "I win. I knew you liked me. It was the kiss that won you over, wasn't it?"

"Yeah, right. Like I'd ever vote for some punk-wannabe juvie kid. Puh-lease."

I froze. "Hang on. Don't tell me _you_ were the one who… No, I won't believe it."

She let out a very long groan and buried her face in her palms. "Yes, dirtbag. I'm the one. Izzy didn't vote for Explosivo. I did."

My eyebrows probably shot right off my forehead. I let out a low whistle, almost drowned out in the swinging of the back door. "That's not what I-"

"How did you expect me to pick between two people I hated?" Heather swiped her hands off her face to give me a narrow glare. "If it had been me in that chair next to _her_ , who would you have chosen?"

Beth. No questions asked.

I reached the bottom of the staircase just as Courtney came around with Cody and Ezekiel in tow. "THERE you are, Duncan!" she burst, latching onto my arm. "Where have you been? I've been looking for you all over! Did you ditch me?"

"Relax, Princess." I hugged her back. "You know nothing in this world could make me leave you."

She sniffed. "You say that now, but I was just telling Cody that if I walked in here and caught you cheating on me, I'd call my lawyer."

Heather, wisely, crept up the last few stairs and disappeared. Beth and Justin were silent together behind me. Cody stayed where he was with his felt antlers lifted high. I locked eyes with him. He mouthed, _Is it time?_

"Cody, I think it's time."

He pointed two finger guns at me, winked, clicked his teeth, and scrambled up the stairs all at once. Ezekiel, who didn't seem to have anywhere better to go, clutched his still unopened present to his chest and scampered after him.

"Time for what, Duncan?" Courtney demanded, planting her fists.

I winked. "Your surprise."

I only just remembered not to call her 'babe' at the end, because she didn't like that. Beth and Justin took that moment to sneak past us up the stairs too, she still clinging to his wide hand.

"Surprise? What surprise?"

"Just be patien-"

She grabbed the collar of my jacket and glared up into my face. "What. Surprise?"

That just made me laugh again. "Aw Courtney, can't you just please, for one itty-bitty minute, let go of your schedule and appreciate the thrill of not knowing all the answers in the world?"

"Duncan, I swear to f-"

Cody said, "Here you go, dude."

Courtney. Absolutely. Froze.

Everything was worth it for that look of curiosity - of disbelieving, adoring wonder - that trickled across her face. I drank it in deep, swearing in my head over and over that I would never, ever forget it, and that was the beautiful moment I knew for certain that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her wrapped in my arms. Even more surely than that night we'd been bundled on the couch in her parents' basement because they wouldn't allow her to come over to mine, especially on a school night, and Darlene laughingly fetching us bowls of M&Ms and fresh popcorn mixed with all the candy corn left over from Halloween, and Courtney cuddled there under the crook of my arm with her fingers in the front of my shirt, shushing me every time I talked because she couldn't hear her own predictions and complaints above me.

At the sight of Cody descending a staircase, Courtney's heart melted on her face. She'd hate me for telling, but she made a noise that was a fourth a "Meep" and the rest a squeal.

"Your most special present, ma'am, from Duncan to you," Cody said, bobbing a sort of curtsy.

"Her name is Brittany." I lifted the raccoon from his arms and placed her in Courtney's. She felt fluffy as the tips of my mohawk, like she'd just been bathed. "She followed Beth home from the film lot, and Beth told me I could keep her since she seemed to take a liking to me. I brought her right to Cody and he's been taking real good care of her ever since, just waiting for you to get here." I tickled Brittany under the chin, and she rolled her eyes at me and let out an exaggerated cooing sound. She humors me.

Courtney's eyes turned to cuts. "When did you see Beth?"

A dozen swear words hit my brain at the same instant. If I couldn't believe myself for forgetting to bring Trent a gift, I _really_ couldn't believe myself for walking straight into such a stupid trap. I scrubbed my thumb across the back of my neck as Courtney's eyes grew narrower and narrower. Cody shot me a pitying glance and fled back upstairs to eavesdrop next to Ezekiel from the hallway bridge.

"I, eh… So I visited her on the farm about a month ago. Y'know, final two and all? It just kinda seemed like the thing to do. It was her birthday November 16th and-"

"You went and saw Beth without telling me?" A red flush bled Courtney's freckles out of existence. She squeezed Brittany against her neck, which the raccoon didn't react to. "Duncan, I know for a fact we discussed this a million times, and I definitely know you can count that high. You _can't_ be seeing people like that behind my back."

"Look, I'm sorry, I just-"

"I can't believe you would cheat on me like that! After all I've done for you! Wasn't _I_ good enough?"

"Court, I wasn't cheating on you- Are you kidding me? This is _Beth Collins_ we're talking about! She's repulsive on her prettiest days. Like, remember how back when she kissed Harold, her retainer ended up in his mouth, he spat it into the dirt, and she popped it back in without even washing it. Ditto for the trashcan. Her face is practically lined with lizard scales. Every breath she takes she has to gasp through drips of snot. Seriously, of all the chicks in the game, Beth is the _last_ one I would _ever_ want to cheat on you with. She's the ugliest, sickest one on this show. I'd sooner make hot, steamy love to freakin' Izzy, and seriously, that is saying something, and you _know_ it."

Cody and Ezekiel were still on the stairs, eyes like popcorn balls. Ezekiel looked like all he wanted for Christmas was to hide forever and Cody had both hands clapped over his mouth. His antlers drooped. Katie and Sadie were up there too and Noah and Trent had appeared at the entrance to the kitchen with startled smirks on their stupid faces and Tyler and DJ were inching up the hall and why wouldn't they all just _leave_?

I shoved one fist across my eyes. "Courtney, I can't believe you would actually think that of me! I'm crazy about _you_ , not some geeky farm chick. Don't you… don't you remember three weeks ago, when you dragged me out to that Ce-Celine Dion concert? And I went, because you'd had those tickets for eight months and you begged me to go when Darlene backed out on you last minute, even though I had to breathe into that stupid paper bag for an hour. _I stayed_. Through the whole stupid thing. Oh, that – If nothing else, _that_ – shows just how much I love my big Bass princess."

Courtney's face had gone as red as Harold's hair, which was not a good look with her own brown locks. She opened her mouth, snapped it shut, glowered at the ceiling, then Cody and Ezekiel on the bridge, then at me again.

"Well then, tell me exactly what I'm supposed to think when my _boyfriend_ goes off to see some girl – on a _secluded_ farm – and _conveniently_ forgets to tell me about it."

"I-I'm sorry, okay? I didn't think it was important at the time, and then I got your present and I… and I…"

"Hey," Cody said, "mistletoe."

We looked up to see DJ dangling Tyler over our heads, upside-down. Tyler waved and DJ shrugged in that sheepish way of his.

Courtney set the heel of her free hand against her forehead. "This… this needs to stop. This is between us, and we don't have to drag the others into our disagreements."

I rubbed my forearm through my sleeve. My fingers were cold. "I'm sorry. I really am sorry, Courtney. You know I don't want to lose you, and I… I didn't mean…"

Lifting onto her tiptoes, Courtney slotted her lips between mine. To be honest, I was okay when the whole thing was over. My heart felt… kind of weird. I felt… stripped of something. Empty, burning, sore.

"You know how much you mean to me," she murmured, her fingers still splayed over my chest, Brittany tucked beneath her arm, "but if we're going to make this relationship work, this can't happen again. I have to be able to trust you."

As I held her, I gazed up the staircase at Katie, Sadie, Ezekiel, and Cody.

"I know," I said. "No more seeing the other contestants if you aren't there. I promise. Do you want to sit by the-"

"Don't, Duncan. We need a break."

A break.

"Are you-"

Courtney held up her hand. "Five minutes, maybe, so we can both think things over. I'll be out on the back deck straight after that, and let's talk about this like civil human beings. And don't forget your coat."

She left for the living room. Trent and Noah withdrew to the kitchen to chortle gossip with Eva and whoever else. My fingers traced my zipper in spirals. I'd never taken off my coat.

Well… if Courtney had her way, she'd probably keep her mouth in my ear the rest of the night, and the day after that and the day after that. Some party. Some vacation. So this honestly could be my last chance to talk to Beth, even though that thought made me almost sicker.

Cody, Sadie, and Katie were somehow gone down the hall, I think to Cody's bedroom where it was safe, by the time I reached the top of the stairs. From the way Ezekiel looked around in delayed panic, they had inched off silently from behind him.

"Uh- uh," was his strangled greeting. "D-Duncan. Hi."

"Hey Homeschool. You catch which way Beth ran off to? Her present's the last I gotta give, and then I guess I'm… free."

Ezekiel swallowed. "Sh-she's hidin' that way, in the brown closet after ya said those awful things 'bout her ta C-Coourtney. Think ya maybe freaked her feelin's, eh."

"What?" I frowned. "That can't be right. With a face like that, Beaver-Teether must face down insults almost 24/7 back home, and she's not the type to let them ever get to her. By this point in life she's grown skin thicker than an ogre's."

Ezekiel took a step back, his jaw hanging somewhere near his knees. Both hands and my spotted present flew up to cover his head. He glanced around as if expecting Eva to come barking down the hall and land her fist in his intestines. When she didn't show, he rounded on me again.

Holy freaking crap.

"Ya can't just _say_ things like ya did, homes, and except peeps ta forgive you slick, eh."

Er… Okay?

I raised my eyebrows and took a step forward, fully expecting him to stumble back. He did, but only by a single step and caught himself. "Whoa there, Homeschool. You sure that of anyone, you really oughta be the one trying to tell me off on the subject of girls? I was just starting to think of you as one of my nerdlings. You and I both know that when you go running your mouth, you only land yourself in trouble. I wouldn't go burning so many bridges if I were you. I suggest you just turn around and scuttle back to Owen and Katie."

"Don't you blinkin' dare go that way, Duncan." Ezekiel clenched and unclenched his fists, glowering at me like some sort of feral thing. "I am stupid sick an' tired a' havin' e'erybody think Zeke is so _misogynist_ , and then fearin' for my life when Eva'n Sadie start yellin' at me ta shut heaps up, and then havin' a just sit while e'eryone else goes 'round sayin' things worse'n I e'er did, eh. You an' Chris an' Justin an' Geoff an' Harold'n all, an' _it ain't fair_!"

I scratched my ear. "Dude, what are we even talking about? If this is because I offered to buy you a hor-"

"Beth is my best friend!" Ezekiel grabbed two handfuls of my shirt and twisted hard. He had to stand on his tip-toes in order to meet my puzzled gaze, and it was obvious that no one had ever taught him the right way to do that, since he missed my nipples and all. "She's the nicest girl in the world, an' if she ain't gonna stand up to ya and tell ya off after havin' a' put up with ya for two seasons an' tickin', then 'tis my job ta head my butt in, an' I _will_ , eh!"

My snort erupted unbidden. I'm sorry, but having _Ezekiel_ spit in my face was pretty much like being threatened by a canary. One with clipped wings that had spent its life shoved in a cage. With him still trembling and clinging to my shirt, I rubbed his toque down over his eyes.

"Now I _know_ you're backwards, Homeschool. You seriously think you can take me? I saw Noah get you in a headlock back at Playa Des Losers. Noah. Granted, you were blind with chlorine and you did steal his candy corn, but-"

"Oh, I taken down a wolf afore, homie. You ain't near so tough." He let go of me so he could stab one pointer into my chest. "Now, you say your sorries to her face, or I. Will. Smack. You. Out. _She_ shoulda won the stupid million. You din't des-"

I slammed my fist into Ezekiel's chin. He went bowling backwards head over heels and crashed his skull against the far wall.

"What, you think I don't know that, Homeschool?"

For a minute, Ezekiel lay there in a heap as I stood in the hall, my knuckles high and stinging from their contact with bone. Then he reached behind his head and brought his trembling fingers out again. Dripping with blood. His face turned whiter than the snowflakes pattering on the window behind him. Not so brave after all.

Instantly Ezekiel was up on his feet. He whipped down the stairs like a spring-loaded bolt of lightning, screeching "Coody, Coody, hide me, hide me, I did somethin' real stupid, eh!" and Cody was screaming, "Have you lost it? I'm not getting dragged into this!" and Eva was saying, "That was _you_ up there, Homeschool?" and Geoff yelped, "Aw buddy, what did you do?" and Noah was laughing his head off somewhere far away.

He'd left his present on the stairs.

I'm not a crier, and I didn't cry now. But I threw my arms back until my elbows were over my face and my hands were clenched in the back of my shirt by my shoulders, and I cursed heaven for giving me a dad that had taught me how to throw such a solid punch, for sending me a mom that hadn't pruned me back when I started to go sour, for leaving me with brothers that taught me how to pick locks and steal bikes from second graders, for letting me grow up to be such a loser that I couldn't even take some honest criticism without breaking someone's face, for allowing my awful thoughts about Beth to bubble out of me like that, for tricking me into thinking that maybe for Christmas I could try to be a nice person when I was anything but, and for never lifting a finger to help me out when I first started to fall in love with law-laying, fun-destroying, finger-waving, tattle-tell, emotion-twisting, no-nonsense, jaw-busting, shriek-filled, heart-stopping, butt-kicking, freakin' hot Courtney.

 _Of course_ I knew Beth deserved the million more than I did. Was I stupid to him? She was an angel in every aspect of the word that didn't concern beauty or grace, I a devil who hid my cowardice behind a jagged flaming pitchfork and occasional mouthful of profanity. Beth didn't even know what a swear word _was_ , let alone which one to use at what time.

No, no- Who were we kidding? I could try from now until the end of my days, but I wouldn't make half the angel that she was now. Lindsay, Trent, and I swear even ever-neutral DJ had all recognized it. Harold wouldn't have cast his vote in my direction if he'd been paid. Justin probably still hated me for 'stealing' Courtney. Heather had been smart enough to abstain from the whole thing. It should have been so easy.

But Gwen had been sickeningly blinded by her crush on me, and Leshawna by her stupid belief that I was a good guy deep inside. Geoff had been my bud since the beginning. Bridgette was his faithful follower. Owen was more or less the same. Courtney always had my back through thick and thin alike. Izzy was just nuts. Stupid, useless friends.

I wondered if Chris had miscounted the votes. But no. Chris wouldn't miss. Chris never missed anything. Whatever he found, he exploited. Total Drama. We had Christmas lights. We had candid cameras. We had action.

"Duncan!" Courtney hollered from down the stairs. "What are you doing up there?"

I poked my head over the bridge banister to see her standing in the living room, Brittany clamped in her arms. Behind her, Ezekiel cowered in a makeshift pillow fort while Bridgette and Geoff tried to calm him down with soothing words. Eva watched this from the cushion-stripped couch with the first look of concern I had ever seen on her face.

"I have one last present to go, babe!" I called back, sending Ezekiel diving for cover in Bridgette's arms (I think he did that on purpose). I held up my backpack so Courtney could see. "Give me five minutes."

"Don't call me 'babe'! And what is taking so long? Honestly, it's just a couple stupid boxes. I could toss those out at twice the speed you've been waddling around at. Aren't you finished yet?"

I rolled my eyes, but only when I'd withdrawn down the hall.

Ezekiel had said Beth was in the closet with the brown door. I found it in the next corridor, tucked away against an equally brown wall. It had to be the one. I placed my ear against the wood, only to be greeted with soppy, jerking little noises.

Oh geez.

She _was_ crying.

Maybe I should leave the present outside on the floor. I mean, I'd ripped out some pretty awful things about her for everyone to hear. She probably didn't want to see me right now. I sure wouldn't.

Stifling a sigh, I rested my forehead on the door.

 _No. Come on, Duncan. Don't be a wimp. What kind of man runs from a whimpering baby gremlin? If you can look Courtney in the face and apologize for cracking your knuckles 'too loudly', you can give Beth the honest apology she actually deserves. After all you took from her, you owe her that much._

I twisted the knob. Taking a deep, deep breath through my nose, I slowly drew it open.

And instantly lost any sympathy I had for Beth.

She was curled into a ball, all right. On top of Justin's chest with the end of her scarf wrapped about his wrist. Her glasses were in her hand. Justin had copycatted off Tyler's idea with the mistletoe headband. No surprise- the guy had never had an original thought in his life. They both paused when the light fell in their eyes and they caught me gawking.

"Hey," Justin said, blinking at me with smug surprise. "Thought maybe you'd be next."

"Are you serious right now?" My hands flew to my temples. "Beth, Homeschool was driving himself to fits with his worry about you, and this whole time you were just in here _making out_? You didn't even hear him? Or anything I said? I just slugged him in the chin for no reason?"

"Um." Beth's cheeks turned a light rose. She glanced at Justin, then at me again. "Sorry. I didn't know we were causing problems."

Somehow, Justin showed even less remorse as he stared up at me. "You slugged Ezekiel? And I missed it? Oh, come on, the one present I actually wanted for Christmas. The only thing that could make this day any better is if you knocked out the Anti-Me too… Ah, well. Please tell me you at least broke his shades."

High heaven only knew why he and Noah insisted on calling each other by that stupid nickname. I'd been dying to ask for the story since the day I was born, but right now I had a bigger question on my mind.

"How _could_ you, Beth? You're totally cheating on your stupid model boyfriend with this loser- right in front of me!" I threw my arms into the air. "I quit. I quit everything."

Beth rubbed a stubborn fist over her lips as she and Justin untangled their arms and legs. "Brady doesn't mind if I kiss Justin. In fact, I'm sure that if Brady were a girl, he'd want to kiss Justin too."

Justin shrugged to indicate that what Beth said was probably true. Which it probably was.

She gave a firm nod and glared at me over the rims of her glasses. "Justin has a gift for being absolutely gorgeous, and _my_ love interest understands that I'm only human."

Give me a freaking break.

I pointed down the hall. "Shove off, pretty boy. I still have a present to give Little Miss Two-Timer. In private."

Beth went pale. She grabbed Justin's shoulder as he sat up, but he pulled her off and set her on the ground and wished her happy holidays. Standing, he wiped his lips on the collar of his shirt. When he walked past me I heard him whisper, "Seriously, she's all yours, dude."

I shut the closet door behind him. Which really did nothing for Beth's nerves, and was my reason for doing it in the first place.

"C-can we do this downstairs?"

"No. We need to keep this private." I set my backpack between my feet and rubbed the back of my neck. "I don't want the others to find out about this. Especially not Courtney."

Now she looked really scared. She reached behind her and picked up a tennis racquet without taking my eyes from my face.

"Seriously? Don't flatter yourself, lizardlips." I stopped myself. "Beth. I… I…"

"Say you love me," she said, raising the racquet. "I _dare_ you. I know how to use this."

Geez. She really hadn't heard my spiel, had she?

I took my upper lip between my teeth. "Look, I'm… I'm sorry. I don't know why you didn't win the million."

She jerked a step forward, and the light from beneath the door caught off her glasses and reflected back in my eyes. "You know full well why I didn't win. Because I went back and saved your sorry skimpy-"

"That's exactly it!" As pained as her voice sounded, I couldn't help but feel a flash of relief that we were on the same page. "The finish line was right there. You didn't have to stop. No one made you come back."

Beth swallowed. "Y-you saw the way they looked at me when Chris played that clip of me stealing everybody's cookies. And not just that, but they're all terrified of you. They wouldn't dare lift a finger against you, because- because you are an awful human being who's bullied them so much that they're afraid you'll snap them in half someday if they tried to take a stand!"

"Hey, don't-"

"I used to think being nice would bring me good karma and happiness in the end." Her grip tightened on the tennis racquet and I shut up, fearing that she would actually put it to use. "But when I went back to save you – and everyone who I thought was my friend voted for you anyway – then I woke up and realized that this is the real world, not Wonderland. How is niceness supposed to compete with blackmail? It can't. It just can't." She drew in a deep, deep breath. "I didn't even have a chance! In the face of that, how on the _planet_ could I have won the million?"

"Because I voted for _you_!" I wanted to pluck the girl up by her scrawny chicken neck and strangle her right then and there. Even lifted my hands to do it too, and Beth flinched away into the dangling coats.

"Okay." I grabbed my backpack. "Secret's out. I tried to give up the million for you. Now do you get why I wanted to do this in private?" I tossed the pack at her feet. I hadn't zipped it after Heather and it spilled open, sending bills fluttering across the floor. "There you go. Five hundred bucks, no strings attached. It's no million, but it's all I could sneak for you without Courtney getting suspicious. I'm sorry. You deserved it all. I'm a rotten thief, and I wish you would've won."

"… Duncan?"

We both forced our gazes from the floor. A tear bled down her cheek. Beth swayed on her feet, then held out her arms towards me. I hesitated, but she stumbled a step closer and wrapped her arms around my waist.

"I didn't vote for you, Duncan. I didn't even think about it. I voted for myself. I… I'm so sorry."

Only an angel would.

I crossed my arms. Then uncrossed them. I glanced back at the closet door. Not a shadow cut out the thin strip of light beneath it. Not a creature was stirring.

I slid down to my knees and clutched Beth back much longer than Courtney would have wanted me to. "Don't be."


End file.
